Happy New Year! I know, we are already 15 days into the new year, but fifteen days is still pretty “new” so I’ll wish you the best for the next 350 days.
I have kicked off this year with some pretty major life changes.
It still hasn’t “sunk in” yet. She’s ours. We get to be her parents for the rest of our lives. It comes in little bursts in my soul, explosions of love and joy and awe. For years (10 years and three months) I prayed for more children. And, especially after the devastating loss from when my stepdaughter chose to live with her biological mother full time, to the even deeper blow that she no longer wanted to visit us anymore. (I know she’s a teen and will come around again, or so “they say”) However, for years I had lived with an empty spot where I felt our family wasn’t complete, it wasn’t whole. Being met with resistance both from family and later, biologically… I had began to lose grasp of the dream. I filled the void with rescued birds and dogs, raising baby parrots and serving in children’s ministry….
I remember having a birthday lunch with my best friend. What was supposed to be a joyous meet up resulted in my sobbing over my soup and sandwich in the middle of Panera. I remember something my friend had said: “It’s okay to be sad and grieve over the death of a dream.”
But; part of me never let it die. There would be constant reminders that somehow, someway more kids would be in my future. I wasn’t sure why or how… but there was. So.. I prayed. I sobbed, I felt as if my prayers were just bouncing back down from the ceiling… or getting caught in the clouds.
Age and fertility were not on my side.
But; God was.
And, here I am. A mommy again, to a beautiful little girl.
Our adoption is final, and we now have a new “official” member of our family.
We are still fostering; and allowing God to lead the way.
His ways are greater, His ways are higher. If I had I never began my walk with him seven years ago; I’m not sure where we would be today. There have been countless trials and struggles, but there has also been unspeakable joy.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Here’s to never giving up.